Fear -short story-

Jorge Araiza 

Fear 

To many people this would be an easy task, just go up to her and tell you how you feel. I wish it would be that easy. How do people just build up a wall of courage that no one can break? While I stand here holding a fence, even then no one has repainted it in years for it to even look flashy. 

I turn on the news just like I always do in the morning. The weather reporter begins by saying today we would be experiencing a slight chance of rain. That’s how I feel inside, today is going to be the day when I ask Jennifer Smith to go to the movies with me. My friends tell me without a doubt she's going to say yes. Yet in my mind, I'm thinking 'Without a doubt, she's going to leave you at the alter'. Even then at least she got to the wedding. This would be as positive as I could be all day. 

It's not that I don’t like it when my friends try to hype me up about something, it's just that I'm the most socially awkward kid at my school. I like to lurk in the shadows waiting to, attack! Yet when I do, I'm too small to do any real damage. In a world where your not really welcome into society until your 18 or even then when your 21, but still society tells you to look a certain way and think a certain way. We follow like sheep but don’t ask questions to the farmer that whips us.  

I might be going off track and over thinking too much, but how can I not. There is a flow of emotions in my body like a wildfire. I see her in the corner of my eye, she's talking with her little girl group. Her hair flows down like a waterfall of pure grace. Has green eyes that can poison your emotions like a black widow. How can I approach someone like her being who I am? 

All of her friends leave to go to class but she stands like a gazelle being stalking and hunted, but still and aware. She's alone, though, what perfect timing for me to go over there and talk to her. I approach her as slowly as possible, everything starts to go dark except for her. She is pure light, how more beautiful can she get. She is absolutely perfect, I feel like I have everything in the world and I haven't even said anything to her. As I keep moving forward I feel like I'm not even walking like, I'm being picked up by flowing clouds. The darkness starts to quickly fade away. I am so close to her I think I can start to hear her heavily breathing, or maybe that’s just me. Then the most unimaginable thing happens, she speaks. 

"hi" 

Everything falls apart. The whole clouds, the confidence, everything just falls like mist onto the ground. What do I say back? Do I go straight to the point, or should I do some small talk? How do I even continue life at this point? I can hear her waiting for an answer, but she would have to be here all day for me to think about this. I finally try to say the one big thing that comes to mind. This will really work I guarantee it. 

"So what class do you have next." 

I am the stupidest person ever. 

"Math." She says. 

How could anyone say math more beautifully than her? I didn’t even pay attention in math but with her voice, I got the whole lesson. 

I have absolutely no idea on what to say. I am drawing a complete blank. I finally try to harness everything in my power to tell her... 

"Can you please go to the movies with me on Saturday." 

I wait, with my eyes closed tight. I don’t even know if she's still standing in front of me. I slowly start to open them and she puts her hand on my shoulder and looks right into my eyes. Those eyes really do poison you. 

"I'm sorry." 

Oh no. 

"but I will go with you." She says with the biggest smile in the world with a slight chuckle. She thinks that’s so funny, meanwhile, I'm still shocked that she said yes. I feel like I'm about to faint. 

"What time would you be picking me up." She wonders while I'm still in a complete freeze of emotions. 

I absolutely cannot say anything back, I want to shout and scream but at the same time, my whole life and the world around me has taken a complete pause. I feel like I have all the time in the world. However, she wouldn’t understand that. I can't respond with "infinite time." 

I have to think fast "is 8 good." 

'Is 8 good' what did I even say. Was I talking about the time or the number? Then again I don’t think people are asking if the number 8 is good, so I'm pretty sure she knows what I'm talking about. 

"Yeah, that’s fine" She responds. 

How can this feel so simple to her? Everything I say is like an obstacle, yet she's spitting out words like they're nothing. 

She hugs me then walks away. That was the most emotion-filled hug I have ever experienced. So many things were going through my head. Why did she say yes? I mean it was great but, I have never met her before I've only seen her once in a while and she would say hi to me. I would have never thought she would say yes unless it was her last day on this planet. 

I walked home as I always do, but this time it was different. There were so many things going through my head I couldn’t focus. I was just thinking 'Either something good is going to happen or I'm just going to blow this entirely.' 

I got home and I was greeted at the door with my mom's open arms like pillows for my heart. Nothing can compare to my mom's love she was always positive and had the best smile I have ever seen. Jennifer's smile came at a strong second. 

She always waits at the door for me except for one time in my life. On July 4, 2030, she was diagnosed with cancer. That was the hardest point in my life because I had no one to be with and no one on my side. I think that was about the time where I started to develop anxiety but I didn’t tell my mom because I feared that it would cause more stress, and I didn't want that for her. I would think that danger would be at every corner and my mom wouldn’t be there to stop it. I have constant fear so after this whole thing about the date, it feels nice for me to come home to a loving mother. 

I enter into my home and quickly go up to my room to take off my jacket and my backpack. I'm sweating so much and it's not because I'm really nervous, I mean I am nervous but for this moment the air conditioning is broken and I have a small room so it feels like a desert in here. This makes me even more nervous because when it's really hot it always puts me in a bad mood. I try to open a window but the hot air outside hits my skin and it makes the room even hotter. I try to lay down on the bed, I start panting like a dog. 

My step-dad shouts "dinner is ready!" 

I go downstairs as quickly as possible to see what we have for dinner. My dad is looking at the pot of stew he just prepared and says "Hello son." 

"Hi dad," I respond. 

My dad knows it's me because I'm always the first one downstairs and for pretty much my whole life I've always been the early kind of person. I call him dad because my real father hasn’t really been in my life. He left when I was just five years old and I always wondered if he left because he didn't love me, or if I did something to make him leave. My mom always said it was his loss he didn’t get to see two great boys turn into something really special. I never always felt special but when my mom said that I was, a little part of myself told me I was special and meant for a better purpose in life. 

"Did you do your homework son." My dad asked. 

"I made sure I finished it all at school because I have a rather special day today," I said with a bit of a smile which never really happens. "I have a date today." 

I told him because I felt like I can tell him anything I always felt like he was on my side, always there for me when my mother couldn’t be. I feel like if It wasn’t for him the whole cancer situation would be an even bigger disaster. 

"that’s great buddy." He responds turning around almost instantly with a big smile on his face. 

"Well I'm going to go get ready, I don’t think I'm going to join you guys for dinner," I said before rushing up the stairs. 

I walk into my room I'm so excited I try to get my best clothes I have in my closet. I take a quick shower I even try to shave a little bit even though it didn’t make a difference. This has been the most excited I have ever been since, well I've never really been this excited about anything in my whole entire life.  

I am fully dressed at 7:00 and ready to go but I still have an hour or so until I can go pick her up. I start to walk to my mom's room to tell her about the date. As I'm walking towards her room, I take a look at the mirror we have in the hallway. The mirror is fairly big and you can see your whole body in the reflection. 

I take a long look and have a big change of emotions. I think in my head 'What am I even doing.' I went from being so excited to now feeling like a bus ran be over right in the middle of the street. Why am I going anyways? I look like a bag of potatoes and when you touch my skin really hard I make a wave of vibration. No one will ever want to settle with me, I wouldn’t blame them either. My whole life I've wanted this exact moment to happen, but now I know why I've waited my whole life. I try to pick my excitement back up from under the rocks put the force is too strong. 

I'm outside her house walking towards her front door, as I'm walking I start to notice that her house is way smaller than I expected it to be. As I ring the doorbell a fairly tall woman opens the door with plenty of smoke slowly sneaking out her mouth. 

"Are you here to pick up my daughter." She says. 

"Yes I am is she ready to go," I said with a slightly confused stare that this woman is Jennifer's mother. 

"She'll be about another 10 minutes." She responds with a big retching cough of pure disgust. 

It's now 8:20 and I start to wonder if she's even is going to come out as I wait on her porch on a pretty scratched and dirty wooden chair. I didn’t except for her to be a late person. I have tried every time to be on time and if I have the chance to be a little bit early. 

The front door finally opens and I walk up to meet her at the door. She looks absolutely stunning. I can't stop staring at her, she looks at her shoes and I can almost see a hint of red in her cheeks. 

We start walking to my car I open the door for her like a gentleman should, I start the car and head for the movies. In the car it’s a very awkward moment, I don’t know what to say or do. I just keep glancing at her once in a while. She looks stunning but as I keep staring I can see that there are some imperfections. I never thought that I would notice anything wrong with her looks, to me she had always been the most perfect and eye capturing person in the whole world. I couldn’t help but notice how nervous she was but I didn’t know why. I'm almost certain that It wasn't because of me. 

We get to the movies and everything goes fine for the most part. I feel so good I finally went on a date with someone and I didn’t mess it up. We both had a great time and I made her laugh a little bit. I didn’t want this to be the last time but if it was, I had a great time with her. 

We start to head to the car and I notice that she stops, and takes a very long pause. I try to wonder what's going on and it looks like she's frozen solid. 

"I had a great time tonight." She says softly almost about to break into tears. 

"I had a great time too, I don’t mean to be rude but why did you stop." 

She stares at me in my eyes for a second, then looks away. Before whenever she looked at me I would look away but it was the other way around. 

"You don’t expect me to believe you right." The sheriff responded angrily. 

"I am telling you the truth." I quickly responded. 

"We found the gun in your hand when we arrived on the scene." Pulling out the gun in a bag used for evidence. 

"I am not lying she pulled out a gun and put it right up to her head and pulled the trigger," I said looking straight in his eyes. 

"What did you do after?" He asked. 

"I looked straight at her, and I was sad at the beginning but I'm not going to lie I paused, and I had a big smile."